Finally. Tonight is the night! True Blood season three starts...school is out...and I might have a new, less sucky job! Of course, everything has a catch. I don't have HBO, so I am going to a generous friends house, who also has kids and won't mind if my brood is in tow...and my new job? Well, I will probably still need a second job since, for now, it has less hours. Funny thing, my current employer seems to love me and has no clue I am seeking other avenues...so I kind of feel like a jerk. I am also excited about the summer in general. I am lucky to have a some well endowed family members who are renting a beach house for a week. I am so happy to be able to do this with my kids...when they are young enough to still want to hang out with me! Nothing makes me happier than playing in the ocean...so here are some things that I have been obsessing over the past few weeks...
well, peeps...I got a raise and promotion at my demoralizing job. It has taken me one week to truly figure out that the powers that be (my bosses) just wanted to be left alone...so they gave me a job that does just that...I get to be the professional 'problem solver'. I don't mind the customers, never have. I was brainwashed years ago that the customer is my paycheck and I do everything in my power to make them happy...which is easy for me. The problem is the people I work with...some folks are mad at my new position...I was accused of taking my job too seriously-which is nonsense, I never take anything seriously unless there is alcohol involved! The most disturbing new job assignment came from the store manager, who asked me to get a notebook (I got Hello Kitty) and keep track of all the cashiers...all they do, talk about, screw up, take too long of a break...basically be a narc...then report to her every Monday on every ones fuck-ups...My first thought was "who's taking notes on me?" then I was struck by the unethical behavior and general lack of professionalism, and possible paranoia...which leads me to constantly looking for a new, less creepy and awful, job.
ahh...May. I have been working so much that my poor blog has suffered. I have also seen the beginning of a million DVD's...only to wake up with the end credits rolling. I have not been lazy though! I have read the 'Blue Bloods' books by Melissa De La Cruz. I have to say, even for young adult fiction, its pretty good. I had also read the 4 volume 'Vampire Diaries' and that was ok...De La Cruz is a better writer. I have been obsessing over the next book in the Sookie Stackhouse series 'Dead in the Family' by Charlaine Harris. I read that janks in like, 6 hours! I just couldn't wait to see what was going to happen with my beloved vampires Bill, Pam and Eric! So, somewhere in all this reading I went to work and was a mom...even though I worked on mother's day...my kids made me some nice cards, those are always the best. I also managed to piss off my own mother, by not seeing her because of work and general exhaustion, sorry mom. Best things I've seen? The Ben Stiller Show on DVD, circa 1992. So funny! You can see where he got the ideas for some of his later characters, and I love the cast! It also made me drag out one of my favorite outfits from that time period and wear it to work today-long black empire waist dress with 8 eye black dr.martens-spent most of the day being called 'beetlejuice' by fellow co-workers. nice. have done no drinking or sexy-time=lame.
and now, for something truly awesome...random crap I buy! I love to buy stuff, it fills a void. Nothing thrills me like a good deal though, for example, I am currently wearing a pair of cool T.U.K. shoes that I scored for $3.00 bucks! My favorite places are flea markets or swap meets...nothing beats the sense of adventure...like, if I really search, something amazing could be right around the corner! I am not some totally shallow, air-head, mall-chick...but I do love a good mall. I am seriously one of the most broke people I know, but life is too short to deny yourself every happiness. For example, I love coffee. I love really good, expensive-ass coffee that I cannot afford! So, I reward myself with a $4.00 latte every two weeks and drink the cheap shit everyday for free at home...I have learned to truly enjoy that venti non-fat two sweet and low latte. Also, I make up crazy rules I never follow, like "I will not buy anymore crap unless its useful." then I bought the cute little ceramic frog and mushrooms...which serve no purpose what so ever. I also have a small golden squirrel in my bathroom that, while amusing the hell out of me, serves no purpose. In addition to cute mini animals (I have many owls and elephants) I also obsess over used paperbacks, journals, fountain pens, velvet paintings, pin-up chicks and anything religious in nature. This is just a brief overview, I haven't even talked about my toy-buying obsession! One of the best gifts I ever received was a copy of Amy Sedaris's 'I Like You-Hospitality Under the Influence' It changed my life to know that there was someone out there who could understand me, and my compulsive nature...It would be great to meet her, I'll make her my special drink...
I write a lot of crap sometimes, I know...but I have no regrets because I'm sure it felt real to me in the moment. No apologies! I rarely mention my 3 kids because this blog is not for or about children, there are enough of those out there! But, having survived several parties and the Easter Bunny, I can tell you about the 'My Little Pony' counter-culture. It started a few weeks before my youngest daughters birthday, she wanted a 'my little pony' theme and ponies. When I was a child in the 1980's, nothing thrilled my heart more than those damn ponies. Thankfully, I was a good little girl and I saved everything! So my daughters have inherited my pony collection. When I went on ebay to find some for the party, I found an entire site dedicated to psycho pony collectors. Then I became one, I ordered 4 ponies for my daughter, mint condition, from 1984. THEN, upon digging further, I found the people with tattoos and such...I kind of want one. Moving on, I would like to say 'Hello, or whatever' to Sweden, my dream country...I wish I could go there, smother everything in Lingonberry preserves and eat it up! wait...maybe it was 'smother Alexander Skarsgard in Ligonberry preserves and lick it off'...either way, sounds good. I am waiting for season three of 'True Blood' and I dream of that man...(he plays Eric Northman-greatest vampire ever) I always imagine that if I went to Sweden that I would feel like a Hobbit in comparison. My family history is mixed, I am supposed to be mostly German and Italian. I guess the fact that I am only 5 feet tall can be blamed on someone! I would love to visit both places one day...and eat and drink...possibly find long lost family members...I guess I have to appreciate being an American from Memphis, Tennessee. I love Elvis, sweet tea, fried chicken, fried anything...how's that for a stereotype? As I am writing, I am inhaling a huge bowl of my beloved 'fruity pebbles' and thinking about what to do with my day off...the weather is a perfect example of 'warm spring day' which can mean only one thing to me=allergies. Everything is covered in a thin layer of yellow pollen and my eyes are crusted shut...I have also sneezed enough to consider it an 'abs workout'...but nothing can stop me from enjoying such a perfect day after such a long, cold winter...I'm off to throw on flip-flops and find some trouble! xoxo...
There might be something more wrong than my usual 'wrong'. I woke up today with that Cardigans song 'lovefool' in my head and it won't go away...I feel a major change in my not too distant future! I applied online for a bunch of open positions, everything from the T.S.A. to a Kraft factory position. All of these jobs make good money-which I desperately need! I have no pride anymore, I'll wear a hair net if they want me to...I just can't go on in this state o' brokeness anymore! My job gives me some ridiculous certificate every week-perfect attendance-great customer service...I got one yesterday for the 'get happy team'-which basically means I don't come to work frowning and ready to kill every mother fucker I run into...but behind that carefully placed grin, I am thinking about it...If I get one more piece o' paper and no raise, I might just lose it for reals this time! The truth is, I am one of those eternal optimists, even at my worst I can see the silver lining, I like to be happy...it's a lot easier than being a miserable, hate-filled bastard! No matter how bad things get with me, its just money-I can make more. So, on that note...I love=love. I liked the idea when I was younger and did not know better, but having been truly in love...I know how crazy it is. True love makes you nuts, you think about stupid things that normally wouldn't cross your mind...is he/she thinking of me , too? You worry...Worst of all, even though it makes you feel awful inside, there is not a force on earth that could stop you from being with that person...trust me on this one. Whoa...getting a little bit serious here. Maybe I'll just talk about the little things I am obsessing over this week. Most important, Easter candy...especially Peeps. I get so excited by all the colors, when I was a kid there was only yellow...and no bunny peeps...Next, I love breakfast cereal like a six year old...Fruity Pebbles has long been a favorite, now there is Cupcake Pebbles. I probably would have bought this stuff from the box color alone...lovely pink and blue... I also have a lifetime compulsion with lip gloss...there are about 10 in my purse right now and I probably own about 25. I got two new ones at work from this company called MOR, I picked out 'sorbet' and 'marshmallow' because they were pink and blue and sounded yummy...I was not disappointed! Lastly, I love Somerset Beauty Supply Company's cherry blossom soap. It comes in a huge pink tin, it lasts forever, smells heavenly and says right on the package 'with sugar' who could ask for anything more? I am sure you've noticed that I have not mentioned any drunken escapades...there have been a few too many for me lately...need to take short whiskey break before I die. Last time I sang karaoke until 4 or 5 am and felt soooooo bad the next day...having downed both Jameson and Jim Beam. Wish me luck on my job-hunt/spring fever love quest!
I hope everyone had a good St. Patrick's Day. I am not Irish. I did not wear green. I worked all day, got one pinch. I lived and bar tended in Savannah, Ga for many years. If you don't already know, it's a huge St.Patty's party down there...I've had a lifetimes worth. I would, however, like to thank the Irish for their whiskey, beer and hot men with cute accents. Now...moving on to my latest obsession: I bought '500 Days of Summer' a few weeks ago at Target because Entertainment Weekly gave it an 'A' a million years ago when it first came out. I love ZooeyDeschanel, always have. I knew Joseph Gordon-Levitt was a child actor that went legit-indie films, plays...I did not know that I would develop an obsession with the man! I have watched that movie like, 10-20 times since I bought it...worse than my 3 year old on a 'My Little Pony' binge...I feel sick when I go too long without him. I love every expression he makes. I love the way his eyes go all squinty when he smiles. I felt super-psycho when I googled him and found out he went to Columbia University. I love New York! He speaks French. I took French for years! I love all things French...food, wine, art, cool accents... We both love poetry. I wonder how he feels about the classics...would he understand my love of ancient Greece? Would he want to talk about it for hours? See what happens when I don't have sex? I become the 9th grade version of myself. So lame. I wonder what he likes to drink..does he like sushi? children? I love Zooey just as much, but she's married to Ben Gibbard of 'Death Cab for Cutie/Postal Service' fame. I could always fantasize abut being in a Zooey-Ben sammich... I want everyone to go and watch '500 Days of Summer'. Let me know if you love it. If you don't, that's cool, but why not? I believe I will drift off to sleep tonight dreaming of a long, wet lick up that boys hip-bone. Joe? Are you out there? Lets talk poetry over a drink sometime...oui? non?
I wrote about Corey Feldman in my 11/8/09 blog entitled 'Irish Whiskey or Kentucky Bourbon?' I was reminiscing over my love of both Corey's...Haim and Feldman...So I am crushed over Corey Haim's untimely death. I loved all those terrible movies. I am so sick of reading about how good he was in 'Lucus' . I count the Lost Boys as one of my all-time favorite films. I am not embarrassed to admit I still have my original ticket stubs to 'Dream a Little Dream' and 'License to Drive'. I guess I was hoping for a Robert Downey Jr.-type of life change...when he would get sober and make decent films again...he probably felt that no one cared about him anymore and he would not be missed. But I do.
Oh poverty! You bring out the worst in us all! There has been an opening at my job, which means someone got fired. In this case, the poor slob deserved it...maybe she would do better in the fast-food racket. In the high-class world of hourly wage retail, you can't wear that hideous 'slipknot' hoodie to work on a daily basis. This position that everyone wants is like one I had at 19, but here I am, so desperate to get this raise that I have done everything but lick peoples shoes for it. My pride has been replaced painful humiliation! I am so over-qualified that I almost wish I were a bigger loser, in order to seem MORE pathetic! Ugh. New topic. I also have not gotten any in forever, which is making me crazy and depressed. I have also noticed that guys seem to constantly hit on me when I am in this weakened state. Hello? God? Is this one of those will power tests? The boys in this town are gross, but the Internet boys have never looked finer! Maybe its my new glasses...gives me the whole 'I'm naughty and nice' vibe... Well, reading this over I am assured that my blog has absolutely no point...as always. saving the good whiskey to drink this weekend...
I hate personal drama. The dumb-dumbs I work with are pretty ridiculous, there is usually some crazy-ass bitch in the 'lounge' (aka=worlds most depressing break room) crying on the phone, cursing...something I wish they would do in private...but what about when its you? My ex used to make me that way...the psycho-screamy girl...make up running, tears pouring...he drove me over the edge more times than I can count. Have you ever been with someone that made you feel crazy 24 hours a day? I think the reason we were together so long was because even with the constant drama and over the top emotions, we were passionately in love with each other. I moved out of the state all together so I would not feel constantly tempted by his presence...he's like a bad drug addiction to me! So what do you do when the 'good guy' goes ape-shit on you? I've been with this guy for years and I think he might be losing what was left of his mind...how do you know when to end something? What is fixable? What are the deal-breakers? All I know for sure is that I am too old to put up with this crap, perhaps I am destined to be a crazy old cat lady...living alone. Just please, crazy people of the world: don't take your personal drama to work. Don't cry at work. Ever. Don't tell way too personal, gross stories that no one wants to hear. Don't talk on your cell phone all loud and tactless. Please, let the rest of us who know the meaning of 'private life/conversation' do our jobs and then go home without getting involved! Learn the meaning of 'inappropriate' and 'decorum' Now stop sniveling!
I kind of avoided the Valentine's Day topic. It is usually a sore spot with me. For every boy on this planet, I will agree with your emotional pleas: yes, it is a fake holiday made up by greeting card companies, yes, all the jewelry commercials are crap...But as much as you want me to tell you that it is all lame and I hate Valentine's Day, too...It would be a lie. I can't help it. I love that damn fake holiday! As a child, I loved avoiding actual classwork so we could make our Valentine 'mailboxes'. Later, in high school there was the flowers. You could pay a dollar per carnation to have ones sent to people, there was white, yellow, pink and red. Each color had a different meaning, with red being the 'love' one...The school cheerleaders would deliver them in homeroom on a Friday closest to V-day...I was always dreaming of the 'secret admirer' flower, or any flower in red, from a boy and not from my friends! Just avoiding the look of disgust from the cheerleaders would have been nice, I spent most of my high school years looking like Robert Smith's love child...complete with messy black hair and smeary lipstick! So, my point is that every girl has one of these stories...we have great expectations and we want you to stop being such a tool and come up with an original thought! Believe me when I tell you its not about the money...one of the best gifts I ever got was a mixed tape of love songs...I would do ANYTHING to find that tape today! I don't care about the money spent, or jewelry or stuff like that...its the effort and love you put into it! My card this year was cute, there was an allusion to sex, which is always good to me...then I read my loves personal message. It was the most depressing thing ever, and also managed to make me feel like a materialistic whore. I will spare myself the embarrassment, but let me paraphrase: 'I hate this holiday, but I will oblige you with this card' You boys, you want your blow-jobs so badly! All we want is the love...behind every cold-hearted, stuck-up bitch is a Valentine-scorned woman who just wants some real, heart-felt emotion and honesty from the person they would like to have lots and lots of sex with! Boys=read some Jane Austen, learn how to write a real letter...not a fucking text or email...a REAL LOVE LETTER. Practically free, if you can push your ego aside. I guess all this good advice is a little late for V-day, but there is no expiration date on love, so you can write those letters anytime...include a bottle of something yummy, wine, champagne, in my case, good Irish whiskey!
Of all the silly things I've become obsessed with lately, the flag counter on this blog has got to be the best! For example, today my newest visitor was from United Arab Emirates. That's like a fairy tale land from where I'm sitting in the hills of Virginia. I am also intrigued by the counts, USA has the most, with the UK holding a strong second place, always a little ahead of Canada. I can't help but wonder what all these people are thinking as they click on my blog...which I pride myself on having no point...So, seriously people of earth, if you leave a comment or question, I would love to write you back!! mmkay?? Now, because of the ridiculous amount of snow, (and there will be more tomorrow) I have been one of a hand full of people able to get to work. The 'getting there' part is rather shitty(say that with an accent in your mind) also, people here have no clue how to drive in this mess. I lost count of how many jack-hole moves I saw today...Ok, enough complaining...I just finished reading "The Swan Thieves" by Elizabeth Kostova. I had read "The Historian" a couple of years ago and fell in love with her descriptive style. I recommend The Swan Thieves to any serious reader out there, its no fluffy, easy read. I don't want to give away too much, but I love the way she writes about the painters in the book, their selfishness and their ability to put art above everything else. Now, I have not bought a new book so I am returning to my comfort zone and re-reading 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' gearing myself up for November when part one of the movie comes out! I have to get up super early for work, so I need to turn my brain off now and try not to worry about more snow, since it is all of of my control...
So far, today has been pretty rad. First, school is canceled due to the impending doom of a snow storm bearing down on the east coast of the good old USA. Next, I went to work and we closed after being there only two hours. Now, I am home, sipping the Jim Beam I bought 'cause I know how to plan ahead...yay for me! I got up early, but the grocery store was still terrifying when I got there, you would have thought it was the zombie apocalypse....people were buying shit like they were going to be trapped for months! I was sort of embarrassed when I finally got to check out, the lady looked at my pile of alcohol and cheap DVD's and said "is this it?" I was also mildly offended because I had noticed, irritatingly, that she had told the 20 billion people in front of me to 'be careful out there' or 'ya'll be safe now'....I got nothing, not even a 'kiss my ass'....maybe she was offended by my pink hair, or choice of movies. Who can really tell anymore? I bought the classic 1980's film 'The Sure Thing' with John Cusak, I remember going to see that movie in the theaters back in he day...next, I picked up 'Along Came Polly' with Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston. I think that movie was seriously underrated, because it gets more funny every time I see it! Also, the supporting cast is amazing: Phillip Seymore Hoffman, Alec Baldwin and Hank Azaria, just to name a few! I am also still geeking out over the season premier of LOST this week. I watched it again online and I can't stop thinking about it. If you are not one of the converted, you will not understand the level of obsession! Well folks, looks like I am going to have a lot of time on my hands this weekend, being trapped in the snow with nowhere to go...check me out, 'kay?
I'm usually not this serious, especially before my second or third cup o' coffee...but this is an issue! As most people around me know, I have gone back to work at a low paying retail job...I was hired as a 'part time sales associate' and I have been pimping ever since to get full time hours. Yesterday my boss calls me into the office and says I have been changed to a full time associate, eligible for health care benefits. At first, I was thrilled. I have not had health care in over three years! When I took the packet home to read, I realized that I could not afford it! If your paycheck was $186 USD and the cost of health care weekly is $60 USD then what the fuck? I can't afford this shit, I'm broke! Which leads me to my point, I swear I have one...I watched Obama's speech Wed. night and I could not believe there are still idiots that are afraid of so-called socialism and reforms to the health care system! People, this country NEEDS help in this area...a lot of my friends have NO health insurance...and these are people that are closer to 40 than 30 these days!(pant*pant) Moving on...do you ever feel that you should hide your fave foods because your kids find them and eat it all? I am having my coffee with NO Fruity Pebbles because those sneaky piggies ATE all my damn cereal then trotted off to school, happy as you please... Also, its fucking cold. I know that people in places like Sweden or Finland are laughing at my wimpy statement, but I just want to be warm again...to wear flip-flops or soak my toes in some sand...that would be 'mythical sand' because I live in a town squished between two mountain ranges, hours away from the coast! Lastly, I am pretty sure I need glasses. My eyes seem to be strained and blurry most of the time...I hope that I can get an eye exam and at least look smart on a daily basis! Okay friends...this was a little preachy, but it needed to be said! Drink one for me, I have to go to work!
